By Doug Lipman
Do you know the classic children’s book published in 1916, Understood Betsy, by Dorothy Canfield Fisher?
I quickly fell in love with this book and its author, who has written a story with lessons that seem timely—and relevant to helping storytellers—even a century later.
Here’s the set-up
Elizabeth Ann is an orphan. She’s been adopted by her well-meaning relatives. Her nervous aunts try too hard, determined to “understand” everything she’s feeling. They are so afraid she’ll be hurt or ignored or feel bad in any way that they unconsciously convey the ideas that she’s fragile and “high strung” and that the world is dangerous. By the time she is nine years old, Elizabeth Ann’s best-nurtured skill is explaining her anxieties to her ever-solicitous aunts.
A family emergency requires the aunts to move away and look for another home for Elizabeth Ann. She is passed from one family of relatives to another, until, to her horror, she finds herself on a train to her Vermont relatives. She has heard about how unfeeling and cruel these relatives are. Her aunt told her about staying with them one time and being appalled at their treatment of some visiting children:
“Such lack of sympathy, such a starving of the child-heart! No, I shall never forget it! They had chores to do—as though they had been hired men!”
All this happens in the first chapter of Understood Betsy.
Betsy Holds the Reins
Chapter 2, “Betsy Holds the Reins,” introduces a completely different approach to child-rearing.
Elizabeth Ann’s elderly uncle comes to meet her at the train station in a horse-drawn buggy. Instead of greeting the orphan with questions she expected (like, “Oh, how did you stand the trip?”), Uncle Henry, hearing her first attempt at the kind of sob that would usually bring a flurry of concern and condolence, merely hands her the reins, gives her a few instructions for steering the horses, and becomes absorbed in “doing some figuring” with a pencil on the back of an envelope.
Elizabeth Ann, forced to attend to the horses and work out exactly how to steer them, is given, for the first time in her life, an opportunity to figure something out for herself. Her transformation has begun from a skinny, nervous, dependent “Elizabeth Ann,” to a confident, smart “Betsy” who learns to feel more for others than for herself—and to take independent action to make even difficult situations go well for all involved.
Three Lessons for the Storytelling Coach
Along the way, the author demonstrates (but seldom states) various principles—lessons that apply as well to coaching storytellers as to bringing up children. Here are three that I especially prize.
Lesson 1: Teaching from the outside can’t replace learning from the inside
I remember my first voice teacher. She asked me to sing while she looked me over. I remember the sour expression on her face to this day. She immediately showered me with instructions like a drill sergeant: “Stand up straighter! Make pear-shaped sounds! Don’t stick your neck forward! Relax your tongue!”
My singing got worse by the minute and stayed that way for several weeks—until I quit my lessons.
Later, I found a voice teacher (musician and storyteller Derek Burrows), who knew how to help me fix those same faults by setting up situations where I would experience a particular feeling in my body; then he would help me focus on it as I sang. In time, I had built up a repertory of “Do’s” that had the effect of guiding me gently—and joyfully—away from the “Do not’s.”
Instead of telling me to “pull the reins that way…now the other way…,” Derek knew how to help me experience what it felt like to steer the horses. That let me learn exactly how to adjust the reins as needed.
Lesson 2: The coach’s attitudes will be conveyed to the teller.
If the coach is anxious about the teller’s progress, the teller will likely absorb the message that things may not go well when she tells. Or, if the coach feels condescension or disapproval toward the teller, those attitudes, too, will affect the results.
Instead, like Uncle Henry, the coach needs to:
- Assume that the teller is capable of succeeding, even in the absence (so far) of much evidence that she will.
- Become expert at noticing the valid artistic impulse behind even the most puzzling attempts.
- Communicate relaxed confidence that the teller will prevail, even when facing obstacles along the way.
Lesson 3: Create an environment where mistakes can be made at low cost.
Elizabeth Ann’s Uncle Henry knows that his well-trained horses won’t run away with the buggy or wander aimlessly off the road. Then, when it’s time to turn off the main road into his farm, Uncle Henry simply takes the reins back from Elizabeth Ann and steers this more difficult turn himself. In short, he gives her a task where she can make mistakes without great danger. Then, when the danger increases, he takes the task back matter-of-factly.
What’s the application of this third lesson to storytelling coaching?
First, the coach can create a safe atmosphere, using multiple techniques such as:
- Be emphatic in your appreciations of the teller’s true strengths;
- Elicit the teller’s goals, then refer back to those goals whenever the teller seems unsure. (E.g., “You asked earlier for help telling stories to prospective customers. Are there particular points where you feel you ‘lose’ them?”)
- Be explicit about your methods and beliefs about coaching. Knowing what you offer, and why, gives the teller a chance to be an empowered user of your offerings.
Second, I find it helpful sometimes to frame any suggestions in the form of multiple alternatives. For example, I might say:
“I wonder if there’s a way to show how the groom felt about the minister. Perhaps you could show him speaking to her before the wedding?
Or perhaps you could show him speaking to someone else about her?
Or perhaps you could have someone speak about the groom’s attitude toward her?”
I find that offering several competing ideas encourages the teller to come up with still more. Often, the teller will come up with another possibility right away, like this: “Oh! Could I just have the groom refuse to shake the minister’s hand?”
If you show that it’s safe to create multiple alternative scenes in this way, then creation becomes more valued than correctness. In that case, mistakes are likely to be seen as experiments, not as failures.
Coaching Like Uncle Henry
Much like Uncle Henry, the coach’s ultimate goals include helping the teller to:
- Take the reins,
- Lose self-consciousness,
- Experience success in the processes of creating, shaping, and telling stories, and
- Worry less about the teller’s own feelings and focus more on the feelings of her listeners.
There could be worse primers for coaching than Understood Betsy!
Notes:
A version of this article first appeared as issue #141 of the stg; newsletter, “eTips from the Storytelling Coach.” Subscriptions are free at http://StorytellingNewsletters.com
Understood Betsy is out of copyright and available as a free e-book from Project Gutenberg: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/5347)
Voice teacher, storyteller, musician and film-maker Derek Burrows: http://derekburrows.com
Being coached is an empowering way to become a better storyteller, with a deeper understanding of yourself, your story process, and the stories you’re telling. While most story coaching happens in one-on-one settings, with only the coach and storyteller present, coaching intensives give everyone a chance to learn from and participate in the coaching process.
Coaching intensives are invaluable for both the storyteller being coached and the other participants. While the storyteller gets direct support and feedback from the coach, witnesses often find parallels between their own storytelling work and that of the person being coached. They learn about storytelling merely by observing. The person being coached knows they are surrounded by supportive listeners which often leads to better stories. Everyone in the experience build a sense of community and connection.
Doug Lipman and Laura Packer will present a coaching intensive as part of the Sharing the Fire pre-conference. Eight tellers will have a chance to share a 10 minute story and receive coaching from either Doug or Laura. Tellers will receive supportive, compassionate coaching that will help them build more confidence and hone their craft. Through powerful listening and appreciative feedback, tellers will deepen their understanding of the story and of their impact on an audience; they will also build their creative and performance skills. Those who are not selected to tell will not only help create a safe space for each teller, but they will learn more about storytelling and coaching by watching the coaching process. They may also have the chance to give appreciative support. There will be an opportunity for Q&A with both coaches.
Submit your name, story title and length of your story to be considered. Send information to Deb Roe at nestorytelling@gmail.com. Names will be drawn at random and you will be notified in advance. This intensive is open to observers and everyone will pick up valuable pointers by seeing coaching in action. Come learn the finer points of how to tell your best story.
To learn more about the intensives at the Sharing the Fire Conference, visit https://www.nestorytelling.org/intensives/
About Doug: In 1970, Doug Lipman was a struggling teacher of troubled adolescents. He had given up connecting with them when one day, by accident, he found himself telling them a story. They responded! Doug has been helping others (around the US and abroad) achieve similar effects through storytelling, ever since: www.FreeStorytellingNewsletters.com
About Laura: Laura Packer knows that the best way to the truth is through a good story. She is committed to telling great stories, and helping others find their tale, tell it, and change the world. Laura is the winner of the 2010 NSN Oracle Award and the 2012 NEST Brother Blue Award, among others. She holds a degree in folklore and mythology and is the author of From Audience to Zeal: The ABCs of Finding, Crafting, and Telling a Great Story. Laura has coached, told, taught, ranted, raved, consulted and considered storytelling around the world. For her story and more, go to www.laurapacker.com.
